Wrapping up the blog

Hello friends and family -
We have been so thankful for this avenue to share our journey both with Ben and now with Josie and hopefully some insights into adoption with you all along the way.

We are ever learning and growing in what it means to be parents of children from China and children from our womb. We know first of all our identity is in Christ and that is what we intend to communicate and validate first of all to all 5 of our kids. After that, we will honor our children's birth family and culture and story as best we can as well as honoring our birth children's unique stories.

So far, we see God's grace in our family even clearer in Josephine JiaYun. I am blown away by her willingness to trust us so soon. She no longer cries when I walk out of the van out of sight for a few seconds to go to her door and unbuckle her. She mimicks our words almost constantly in an attempt to communicate. One day we tried to write down all her new English words, but we couldn't keep up! She listens intently when we need to explain something in detail and while she doesn't understand all the words, she seems to understand he meaning a lot more than I would have expected.

Ben is growing into his new role as big brother. He's expressed some sadness at not being the youngest anymore and sometimes is getting annoyed when Josie does things like turn off Paw Patrol while he's watching it. At the same time I catch him doing things like spreading out Josie's blanket over her legs and feet while she's in her car seat on these cold days and I have hope he'll continue to learn to care for her.

Annie has been wanting a hair cut for a long time, but I told her we'd wait until Josie came so she'd look like the pictures Josie had seen. Now, Annie has the haircut she's been wanting and when I asked if her she was SURE she wanted bangs, she replied 'Yes. Like Josie." They've been requesting matching ponytails almost every day since.

Jude adores this little girl and is so looking forward to the day when she'll hug him unprompted. She sometimes says ''yes' and sometimes 'no' to his requests, but our snuggle bug Jude is learning to respect her space and keep pursuing her with kindness. Josie is really learning to adore Jude right back and I am thinking they'll have a sweet relationship.

TJ continues to laugh at what she laughs at and enjoy her sweet personality. He makes sure to check in with her every time he leaves for a significant amount of time, for school or a friends house and say "See you later, Josie" in English and sign language and she nods saying it back as best she can. She seems to be more at peace when he leaves, trusting he'll be back.

And Baba. Josie has warmed up to Baba and when I won't let her do something (like sleep on the hardwood floor for her nap), she will cry out for him :) If she's having a hard time at home and my consoling won't work, I offer to call Baba at work and she settles down and then smiles when she hears his voice. She reaches out for him now to be held instead of pushing him away like she did a lot in China. I think this is all really impressive for only 3.5 weeks. Someday soon we hope to transition Baba back into the master bedroom. For now, he's probably getting more rest upstairs :)

I, mostly, am trying to continue honing the skill of triage. It's more common now than ever that multiple children are having multiple issues at the same time that need intervention. Not to mention if I was in the middle of anything. I am needing God's discernment on who to attend to first, for how long and in what way. How to keep my pulse on how each child is doing, what they're interested in talking about, how much time I've spent with them on a given day or few days, etc. Then there's just keeping up with schoolwork, music practice, playdates, housework, shopping, food prep, the list goes on. It's also important for me to remember not to neglect our marriage and my own self care. These take more intentionality because the kids' needs always seem to be loud and clear, while Kevin's and my needs can be more subtle and willing to take a backseat. By the grace of God, I'm feeling very fortified for the road ahead of me. However, I am sure a day will come when it might become more overwhelming. For now, maybe I'm still just on a 'high' :)

There are big emotions and big adjustments for all of us these days. Sometimes Josie's deep sadness seems to hover so closely beneath the surface of her joyful spirit. They will likely cohabitate for a while and resurface together through the years. None of us are either all happy or all sad. Most days we are some of both, don't you think?  And I'm seeing this in all the kids as well as in Kevin and I. With every change, there is loss and there is hope for something new. Side by side.

I've been spending most of my time in the house with Josie and thought it might be too soon to take her to the store, but I really wanted some fruit for the weekend, so I took the risk on Friday morning.  I strapped her in the pack on my back and we picked up what we needed.  She did great until the van ride when she wanted to hold all the bags of food on her lap and they just wouldn't fit.

Josie keeping our new loot from the store nearby.

In the check out line I had someone ask "Can she walk?" I responded "Yes, but she feels safe close to me." Then another person looked at us with a bit of disgust and asked "Is that your daughter?" When I responded with a proud mama smile and a "yes", she glared at both of us with what I interpreted as a look of disapproval. When I realized Josie had caught her eye, I turned to block her gaze because Josie didn't need to see that. She just needed to know she's safe on Mama's back and we'll be eating those grapes when we get home.

I wasn't expecting all of that on a quick stop at the store. This may be part of why it is so highly suggested to 'cocoon' for the beginning weeks/months or however much time is needed to gain resiliency for these kinds of interactions. 

I was reminded that the world we live in can be a not so safe place and that sin oozes out and hurts people, even unintentionally. But thankfully, Christ IS a safe place. He welcomes the vulnerable orphans and widows alongside the judgmental and arrogant. He loves us all.  He sacrificed his life to forgive us all. His dominion over death gives strength to heal what is wrong in this world and one day ultimately redeem it all. He desires to dwell with us and us with Him if we will allow it. Not above and far away, but walking with us so we're never alone. If I remember that I'm in the same boat as the lady who did not seem to approve of our family, her glares lose their power. We both need Jesus. I pray Jesus will be Ben, Josie's and all of our family's refuge in this life that will surely bring more struggle.

As cliché as it sounds during this season of Thanksgiving...we have much to be thankful for. That said, we're fairly sure we won't be re-opening the blog for adoption #3. Both Kevin and I feel a sense of completeness, oldness and capacity pretty full. So, barring some lightening bolt message in  the skies to adopt again....our blog will likely fade into internet history :)

Thanks for following our journey and supporting us with notes and meals and encouragement and prayers. Please continue to reach out and let us be cheerleaders of all God is doing in your lives as well. 

Love in Christ,

Kevin, Courtney, Josie, Ben, Annie, Jude and TJ