You can't just love adoption

I have always loved adoption. Vulnerable children strike a deep chord within me.

Maybe it started with my mom directing a crisis pregnancy center through my childhood years.  In college, I started getting active in trying to support children who were conceived in less than ideal circumstances and their moms who were considering abortion.  After college, I sought out a job working in an adoption agency so I could be a part of connecting children to their new families.  In my twenties, I visited orphanages in Central America and West Africa, hoping to make some sort of difference in the lives of those most vulnerable.  When I was pregnant with Timmy and was asked to nanny a friend’s daughter who was newly adopted, it was clear the answer was “yes!”.  I often have a clear sense of purpose when asked to help adoptive families.  I just seem to want to be a part of God’s provision for orphans in any way possible.  I guess I’ve sensed a theme.

But I was confronted by an article somewhere recently that said “You can’t just love adoption. You have to love parenting.”  Am I ready to pour my energy, my patience, my prayers into yet another little person? Am I ready to sacrifice my sleep again, put my own desires second, be creative in my day planning, think proactively, endure meltdowns, not take things personally, feel isolated and confused, have no idea how to discipline sometimes, manage conflict multiple times a day, discern the reason behind the behaviors and make intentional space in my day to truly engage with another little person?

I shared with Kevin that quote I had read in the article.  He responded “I love parenting. I don’t love adoption.”  He was speaking of course of the details/paperwork of it all. Making sure our passport picture background is white enough. Making sure we notarize pretty much every signature. Sending the right papers to the right people in the right timing. All that fun stuff.  But, it reminded me again that he has the right priorities.  He’s ready to move through the process, learn during it and then start building a relationship with our next child.  So, for as much as I have been an advocate for adoption for as long as I can remember, it doesn’t matter in our family if I don’t love parenting. 

Thankfully, I think we’re far enough into this parenthood thing to honestly say “I love it.” It has been the most exhausting endeavor I’ve ever pursued, but probably the most life giving as well.  To be given the honor of sharing the agape love of Jesus Christ and investing in the lives of three of the most incredible people I know….it’s pretty terrific. 

I could go on and on about how many times a day my heart swells with overflowing pride and pure joy when I interact with, watch, meet the needs of and just enjoy being with my children.  That doesn’t mean it’s not incredibly hard and there are times I really need talk about the hard parts to some of you.  But I love seeing how God uses both my faithlessness and faithfulness to draw out really amazing things in my children.   

So, while I love adoption, I will love our new child even more.  Because after we bring this child home and all that paperwork is over, she will not be our “adopted child”.

She will be our child.
She will have been adopted.

Adoption complete.

Parenting to be continued...

Official Announcement...we're adopting!

A few of you have heard through the grapevine or straight from us, but we're happy to make the official announcement.  And what better way to do that in this fragmented, crazy life than on a blog!

I know I have enjoyed being a part of other friends and family's journeys of adoption and it's so hard to stay in touch about the celebrations, the insights, the questions, the needs, the bumps, the updates.....This seemed like a good way to stay connected about all of that stuff.  Hopefully it will be a blessing to you as well as to us.

What we think we know so far....in adoption, you rarely know much for sure. If anyone knows our birth story with Timothy, we "knew" he was a girl right up until the moment he made his grand entrance. So, we've learned to keep a window open to if things might change.  That said, we are pursuing what we believe is a good and blessed path.  Right now, the path we are on is to China.  We are in the middle of our home study and will start preparing our international dossier very soon.  We submitted our application in December and the time frame we've been told is that we will likely have our next Hubers in an average of 12-18 months from that start time.  We are sure we need to adopt a child younger than Annie, but we are not 100% on which gender or what kinds of special needs we are open to.  We will be exploring that throughout the process. If you would like to pray for our discernment in that arena, please, please do.

In our home study we are asked to complete an autobiography.  The first question on the autobiography is "Why do you want to adopt?" My answer took one full page, single spaced.  Kevin's took three sentences.  Both of our answers are honest, genuine and beautiful because I believe God wove this into our hearts in His own way. 

Each of us bring a different story to the table as to How God prepared our hearts.  If I can summarize both of our answers into one here, I will attempt.

God is the Master of grafting family members into His household.  We are very "other" than Him, yet Jesus has loved us with a self-sacrificial love that enveloped us into His family. We want to reflect a bit of that Gospel within the context of our little family.  We have a home. There is a child who does not have one.  We have family members ready to learn how to keep loving self-sacrificially.  There is a child who needs that kind of love.  For us, the question our hearts had to answer was "Why wouldn't we adopt?" 

Regardless of the circumstances of the parents, pregnancy always starts with the beauty of a life created in the image of God.  In adoption, things move swiftly to a place of loss.  But our God is about redemption and about weaving a new story to reflect His mercies.  We want to be a part of that story.

We realize this is one expression of God's grace to the world and not all family's will manifest this expression.  A friend once told me it's important to respond not to the need, but to the call.  The needs of this world are too overwhelming and they are not all ours for solving.  Our role is to be in tune with the heart of our Savior and what particular beat He has put in ours.   For our family right now...that is adoption.

I have no idea how often I'll update here, but if you'd like to follow our updates feel free to enter your email near the top of this site.

Thanks for your role in our family's life and we look forward to continuing to share life with you.