Yeager!

Yesterday was a good day. Mid afternoon I got the news that the little boy Yeager I've been praying so hard to have a family step in for him....got one. He was the first child registered in Beijing from Peng's orphanage and now his future family has submitted paperwork to adopt him. I know nothing about them except they are in Illinois.  I'm hoping they're open to keeping in touch with us.  As of now, we have a good chance at keeping in touch with at least 4 or 5 of the little ones Peng has grown up with. This brings great joy to my heart.

This is Yeager!

My main emotion these past few months about Peng's situation has been mostly heavy sadness. And like a rock is continually in my gut, churning around. Oh, with a bit of anger thrown in there at the ridiculousness of bureaucracy when children's lives are at stake. But yesterday, I just cried with happiness. Hearing the news about Yeager finally getting a family broke me. Thank you Jesus.

This morning I was at the gym. Kevin and I are in a pretty good streak of taking turns going in the morning before the kids get up. It's been really good for us.  But, really hard.  Boot Camp, I think they call it.  Most of the time, I get to a point where I'm so tired I want to collapse on the floor. The past few times I've gone, when I've reached that point, somehow I transformed the workout into a prayer. With everything in me I have pushed through the pain as an offering to God on behalf of Peng. I feel I've exhausted my words with Him and so this is a fresh way to petition, beg for mercy and keep knocking on His door. Doing that last push up when it feels like your arms are about to fall off and thinking of Jesus is like yelling out to Him with my body.

I've known Jesus in different depths for as long as I can remember, but I continue to be bafffled by Him sometimes. I guess he never really even explained himself fully to His disciples either, so I shouldn't be surprised. I don't know how my desperate pleas affect His hand, but I know they affect His heart.  And keeping my heart in line with His is my only hope.

I read a book lately that reminded me that when the Israelites were enslaved to Egypt, twelve generations of God's people prayed for deliverance and did not see God deliver.  Yet, twelve generations later, God's people were still crying out to Him, still believing in Him, still trusting His promises. Even when they had not seen His hand for THAT long.

Then finally....He speaks.

"I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land." 
Exodus 3:7-8

This reminds me that while God certainly doesn't always spare us from all suffering, He definitely does not delight in it.

It also came at a time we were studying Hebrews and how Jesus' mission springboards from God's rescue from Egypt.

"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity, so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death, that is, the devil, and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham's descendants. For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people."
Hebrews 2:14-17

So ultimately, the rescue from the baggage of sin we carry around is our greatest rescue. This free gift is available to us at all times, no matter what our current suffering is. That is good news.

Yesterday, we got an update from our social worker that Peng's file is scheduled to be registered within a week.  Mind you, we got that same news September 5 and also Oct. 21 of last year.  After that, they stopped giving predictions....until now.  So, if we and Peng come to mind or rise up in your heart...will you pray with us? That it really will get registered this week. He is now almost 3 1/2 and we have missed so much of his life. I don't want to miss anymore.

Thank you to those who prayed for Yeager, Trey and Jay.  I hope you are encouraged that God does hear the cries of his children. I am beyond thrilled they all have homes now.

Now, we will continue to press on in the work of prayer, in words, in body and in mind.....

Let's hope we see His hand in this, in less than 12 generations.

To rejoice and to mourn

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
(Romans 12:15)

Not that the Scriptures are primarily a "how to live" book, but God definitely shares such wisdom on how He designed us to live and thrive. This particular passage has come alive again to me recently.

During this 'down time' waiting for Peng, there have been a few of his friends that I have tried to advocate for, find families for and pray for. The ones I've shared on this blog are Jay, Trey and Yeager.  I wanted to take a chance to follow up on them and share that Jay and Trey have families committing to them! Jay was a little boy who had a cleft palate for the first two years of his life, then a team of surgeons was able to repair it and he has the most precious smile now. Sounds like he will be going to a family on the east coast.  Trey was a little guy who really had no known special needs, but he was older, like Jay. Both boys are four years old. Sounds like Trey will be adopted by a family who lives in California.  I am so thrilled to share this good news. And thanks to all of you who forwarded my blog, asked friends if they were open to these kids.  Feel free to forward along this good news as well :)

A little boy they named Yeager has been on my heart since last summer. To be honest, there was even a weekend where Kevin and I had a serious conversation about bringing him home along with Peng. Having 5 kids within 5 years of each other just seemed a little over the top for us. He also was too close in age to Annie and we didn't feel comfortable with the small age gaps. In all, we didn't have a peace about it. So, we prayed and advocated for him. Yeager has scoliosis and will need surgery soon as his lungs are starting to be compressed from the curvature in his spine. In his video, you can see a sweetness in him - and yet our agency has had a hard time finding a family for him. And wouldn't you know it....I actually heard last week that, Yeager was actually registered. Our agency will have about two more weeks to find him a home. Then they lose the file and it will be difficult to know what happens to him. 

The good news.....even as I write this our social worker told me someone is reviewing his file. Others have reviewed it and passed him over, but this might be his best shot and our best shot at being able to stay in touch with his family. I sure hope I can share good news about him soon.

I need to give my focus to where God is providing for his children. I love hearing about when any orphan finds a family.  Rejoicing with these kids and families has been one of my greatest blessings during this wait time. While it is tempting to hear stories of other families who are rapidly getting close to their travel day and wish it was us....there is great fulfillment in simply rejoicing with them as they rejoice. There are children coming home into families, getting out of institutions all the time.  I'm now in circles where I get to hear about it often. And I need to keep hearing those stories. And one day it may be us. Until then, I want to rejoice with those who are rejoicing.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
(Romans 12:15)

We have obviously received no news that Peng is registered yet. Recently, I have given myself permission to identify this loss, this grief and the stress that I have carried around because of it since last summer. I have been tempted in the past to say things to myself like "This isn't as bad as some people have it. There are people losing parents, seeing their children with life threatening diseases, sleeping on the streets, etc." I'm not sure that it's helpful to compare grief. What has been helpful is to acknowledge it. And I think I'm just owning up to the fact that my heart has been in grief stage for quite some time. So many of you have been kind to check-in about when we will travel.  Forgive me if I stop answering that question, because I still have no idea. All I know is things are moving very slowly and that I am sad about it all.

We have already lost the gift of being a part of Peng's life for about eight more months than we had thought and we don't know how much more of his life we will miss. Plainly put, that is sad. And instead of focusing trying to figure out when we'll travel, I'm just focusing on being in that sadness with my family and with Jesus. I am thankful for all of you who also acknowledge this as a loss and have grieved with us. You have mourned with us as we have mourned. My kids have mourned, Kevin has mourned. There is not much that feels good about loss.

The comfort comes when people enter into the present, not thinking the future will 'fix it'. While I am sure our emotions of loss will dissipate as we welcome Peng into our family, this season of sadness is part of our journey. We have to walk through it daily, not just focusing on wishing for it to go away. Every day Jesus is faithful to carry us through. And He's carrying Peng too. I feel like I'm getting to a place where I am closer to accepting the loss of all these months and allowing God to create a new reality for our family. It is still not clear what that is, or when it will be complete, but He is with us.  

The simple act of mourning with those who mourn can be a challenging admonishment when it is so uncomfortable to dwell in sadness. Yet it so incredibly powerful and healing to those in pain. I can see why God put this encouragement in His Bible.  Thanks for carrying this burden with us.

I do have one update: Three of the children from Peng's orphanage have now been registered. One would think this could mean his will come soon. That would be a natural hope. At the same time, it is just as realistic that they will enter these three and take a few weeks/months off before registering more. You just never know. Speculation has gotten me in trouble too many times before. So, the wait continues.

And a special note. This blog is focused on our journey with Peng and the details surrounding that. In case it ever sounds too heavy, I want to share that in the midst of all of this Kevin and I are also enjoying many blessings together and experiencing much joy with each other and with our kids. God is good to us. 



In front of the China Christmas Tree at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago - Dec. 2014