June has been mentally busy for many reasons, but it has not been busy with adoption related things. At least not the task stuff, which is mostly what people ask about. There is a good 50-60 day silence from China that we are in the midst of, where they have what they need from us and are just putting us through the system. We are on a fairly clear track as far as what to expect. So, thankfully, Kevin and I are not feeling anxious about anything logistically on that end.
However, the adoption preparation of our hearts and the major shift in our family dynamics that is rapidly approaching is the where a bit of anxiousness tends to linger. Currently, our summer, for the most part, has the 'feel' of a family just doing summer life in Minnesota. Trying to stay on top of the house, enjoying neighbors, participating in some community and church events, managing sibling quarrels, shuttling to appointments and playdates and waiting for dad to come home so we can all be together and enjoy the long days as a family. I wonder....are we ready to pour ourselves out to assimilate into an entirely new family? To lose the freedoms we have begun to enjoy? To be thrown back into almost constant internal and external chaos and desperation? I'm not sure if anyone can prepare fully for that, so I'm not sure we'll ever be ready. Thankfully, we serve a God who is ready.
If it seems I'm expecting the worst, it's because I am. Anything that is not the worst, will just be a blessed surprise. But the tsumani is coming. How long it lasts or what intensity it will hold is unknown. Every child and adoption experience is different. But all adoptions involve stress, unknowns, loss, fear and transition. This 'silence' we are experiencing from China is only short term. What is brewing beneath it is the life of a little girl whose entire world is going to be turned upside down in a few short months. At least we, here in Minnesota, have an idea of what is coming. How can she even begin to prepare for what is about to happen to her? She will be cognitively informed soon, but her two year old heart will have no context for any of it. Fear very well may linger for her as well. She needs a family and so she needs to go through the transition awaiting her. We do believe it is in her best interest long term. But what is coming soon will be heart wrenching for her.
For both our family, who has an idea of what happens after this silence and for JiaYun who really has no way to prepare...we are both involved in a work of God. Philip Yancey said in his book The Jesus I Never Knew, "Often a work of God comes with two edges, great joy and great pain." I believe all seven of us are about to experience both of those.
Next week, our family is headed to a family camp at Cedar Campus, in the UP of Michigan. I went there many times as a student with my Intervarsity college group and have fond memories of the Lord meeting me in the stillness and the reflection and the worship and the teaching from God's words. I am hopeful God will peel back our busy minds to nurture each of us in the moment.
Will you join us in praying for JiaYun as well? That in the months before her big transition, she would have consistent pictures of Jesus, her Good Shepherd, gently providing for her needs and tending to her heart. Pray she knows she is not alone.
We will let you know as soon as we have any logistical news or potential travel dates. Until then, we linger in the silence, with the Savior of the Universe by our side.
