In our family, Kevin is typically the one with the reliable memory and mine is often….let’s say “scattered”. So, it’s not unusual for
me to say “Hey Kevin, did you know that when I was kid…..” And he will listen
patiently, then at the end say, in his non-chalant manner “yeah, you told me
that story already.” You’ll note how he seems to enjoy waiting until the end
of my story to inform me he’s heard it.
Well, last fall we were talking to someone and upon sharing
an event from my childhood, Kevin chimed in at the end with a semi-surprised
tone of voice saying something like “Hmm. I’ve never heard that story before.”
I, of course, was delighted to hear I still had something left he didn’t know about
me. I will do my best to share the condensed version with you as well, since
there’s a good chance you have not heard it either.
It was during some time in the mid 80’s when Cabbage Patch
kids were all the rage and I remember my mom asking me if I wanted one. I ended
up getting one named Loretta something, with golden yarn hair that could never
be in any style other than the factory produced dual braids, because no matter how
hard you tried you could never figure out another style that would perfectly cover
up the majority of her bald head under those original pony tails. But that’s a
different conversation altogether. I can’t remember exactly how I got Loretta,
Christmas/Birthday/etc., but I do remember how I got my next Cabbage Patch
kid.
We were walking though the Roses Department store toy
section in Williamsburg, Virginia when I saw a pile of dented boxes with a clearance
sign in front of them. As I wandered over, something in my 9 year old heart was
stirred that these “children” were the ones nobody wanted. As I looked closer,
these particular Cabbage Patch dolls had some issues. Something went wrong in
production and they were deemed not worthy of being on the regular shelf. I remember
a sense of injustice rise in me, even then, that felt it was so wrong that any “child”
should be relegated to a pile in the corner to go on “clearance”. I don’t really remember any of the other
dolls, but I zeroed in on a preemie that had bleach spots all over her face. I
asked my parents if I could have her, because I figured if I didn’t take her,
probably no one else would.
Fast forward almost 30 years. A husband and three children born
to me later, but here we are. That yearning I believe God put on my heart so
long ago looks like it finally may be fulfilled this year. At the same time, I
have wrestled with a bit of guilt. During our home study, Kevin and I struggled
through the ‘checklist’ of special needs we were open to and to be honest, I
wondered what level of need we could really handle? We could probably “handle”
anything, because we often have more resilience and love in us than we give
ourselves credit for. But, I think the uncomfortable part was wondering how much
a special needs child would turn our lives upside down. Doctor/therapy appointments,
limited communication, limited mobility, who knows!? So, when we were introduced to Pong, we
were a bit surprised. Because, besides being raised in an institution, which
does/will present special challenges, he has no special physical or mental
needs that we are aware of right now. And so, I have been tempted to feel
guilty about this. Kevin thinks I’m crazy. Which is helpful. Honestly, it is. Because
he often has such a different thought processing pattern than I do, that when
his thought processing confronts mine, I sometimes realize mine may not always
be helpful.
I think I’ve worked through a lot of it, but sometimes I
wonder if we should have waited longer for a more ‘needy’ child. Sometimes thoughts pop into my mind like “Pong
is so healthy, maybe we should have let a family who doesn’t have children yet
parent him.” Thankfully, God intervenes in these thought patterns when I allow
Him. Like today, for example. I decided to grab a book off my bookshelf called “Adopted
for Life” by Russell Moore. I read it years ago, and wasn’t going to read the
whole thing, but randomly opened to a page that said this… “There is no reason
whatsoever for you to feel guilty, as though you are ‘taking scarce resources’
by adopting a child when there are childless couples out there seeking to
adopt. First of all, a child isn’t a ‘resource.” He or she is a human being,
created in the image of God. Secondly, there are more children needing homes
than loving parents willing to take them in. You are not taking a child away
from another prospective adoptive family. To the contrary, if the Lord does
lead you to a child through adoption, this adoption could very well be a
catalyst to create a more adoption friendly environment in your church and
neighborhood. The very presence of your children on the playground or in the
Sunday school class could make adoption less ‘strange’ to the people around
you. That can only help parentless children and childless parents find one
another through adoption as churches and families cooperate in the task.” pages
107-108.
WOW. The part that really got me was “First of all, a child
isn’t a ‘resource’.” This isn’t about equally dividing the children with lesser
needs to the childless couples and the ones with more severe to families with
children already. Why do thoughts like
that even take root? God is so way more creative and beautiful in designing
families than that degrading way of looking at children. I was so thankful this
word of truth arrested me this afternoon.
Both Kevin and I are so sure God has presented us with this
child to parent. It reminded me of the decision to get married to Kevin. It
didn’t really didn’t even feel like a decision, it was just always the absolute
right thing to do. I had asked God for that same level of confidence in a match
with a child and I believe He granted that prayer. We actually were presented
with another child before Pong and both of us just felt clearly that that
little girl was not our daughter. This whole process is so bizarre, but that’s
the best way I can describe it. You just ‘know’.
So, whoever Pong is, as we get to know him – he needs us and
we need him. He has no bleach spots and is the most beautiful little boy in all
of China, I’m sure. This isn’t about
saving a child or being the martyr by taking in the most challenging child of
the Asian nations. This is about following God’s call on our hearts to open our
home to a child who needs a mom and dad to love him and introduce him to his Jesus.
And God is giving us Pong.
We are SO excited!
