Hope

God has been good to us in that He keeps giving me fresh words from His heart, pictures of His character and reminders of His love.  You know how some days, weeks, months can go by and it feels like you're just on auto pilot? That's reality sometimes and God is still present in that. However, that's not our story right now.  Currently, I am so grateful that God is meeting me, right where we are at, in the midst of this drama of waiting. He's given me a few phrases/pictures/message lately.

"Your hope is in Me. Not the Chinese Government."

No, we didn't make our October 2nd marker and now the Chinese government takes a seven day shutdown.  To be completely honest, I think I'm looking forward to this little break. Each morning, I check my email and in the back of my mind am waiting for a phone call saying "The files are in! The files are in!". Then, each day, when I don't hear the news, my countenance falls a little.  It's a weary way to live. My hope is in the Lord. I can't hope for specific dates or specific because they will fail me.  I get anxious and annoyed when I think about the logistics of this entire adoption process. 

So recently, I feel like I've been given a new spirit...one of hope, not defeat.  And I had the idea of  making a list of seven things I am going to do over this next seven day Chinese government shutdown.  And I'm excited about them.

1)  Get a haircut (done!)

2) Write this blog (done!)

3) Finish Peng's book of our family pictures with Chinese captions to mail to him once we're official

4)  Buy Peng a soft blanket.  Each of our kids have one and love hearing how they got it. It also involves shopping, which is what this Chinese holiday was created for to boost the economy. As they say "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?"

5) Share on FB about all the other waiting children in Peng's orphanage and a few others that need help in finding a family.

6) Pray fervently for the newly orphaned and all the suffering in Liberia.  Keeping my eyes on the needs of others who are in desperation for the Lord's mercy keeps me from keeping my eyes fixed on my own issues.

7) Work on a fun video of my kids and share it.  I like having those for our family library and I haven't made one for a while. I want to celebrate the little lives already in my care.

"Be the one thing that I see...You are before me....Fix your eyes on Jesus."

Phrases like these have flooded my experiences within the past week or two. Many times over the past week, I have been reminded of this theme...of what I am LOOKING at. During these times of reminder...in a song, in our Bible study, in my personal devotion, in a bathroom reading a Scripture off a shower curtain (true story)....I visualize the same thing. ...I just see Jesus standing right in front me.  Not blocking me or really doing much of anything, but just right there.  Looking at me, inviting me to look at Him. It's such a peace filled experience.  Instead of fixing my eyes on these issues or burdens, I just see Him. It's as simple as that. When I'm tempted to start analyzing, pondering, thinking too much, I just see Him standing there and look at Him. It's pretty awesome redirection on what is live giving to dwell on.

"I am making all things beautiful."

A few weeks ago, in a time of prayer, God gave me another picture of His love when I gave him a bouquet of flowers during my prayer. Each flower represented all the terrific times this past summer when I experienced His goodness, His mercy, His tangible love.  Many of those times were when I was with my family. Then I picked up broken sticks, put them in a basket and gave Him also, that bundle of sticks.  Those represented the dry, lonely heaviness of not having Peng with us and of him still in institutional care where He does not belong. Jesus received that bundle of sticks from me, just as He had taken the bouquet from me a few minutes earlier.  Then, in my prayer, I just watched Him. He held the basket and reached for the bouquet I had given Him a few moments earlier.  He began to start putting the flowers into the basket, with the sticks, interspersing them and making a beautiful, earthy and rugged arrangement. I was then reminded of His words in Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He makes all things beautiful in His time." He is weaving Peng's story in with ours and in His time, making something beautiful.

It was such a powerful experience for me, that afterwards I took Jude and Annie to the craft store, found a perfect little basket and a bunch of different colored flowers (on clearance because they were making room for fall flowers!) and a piece of foam to put them in. We went home, gathered sticks from outside and then later I told all three kids about my prayer time.  The next day during homeschool time, we each made a basket.  Well, Annie made three mini arrangements using toilet paper tubes. As Jude came near the end of his arrangement, he said "Mom, do you know why there aren't many sticks in mine?" I responded that I didn't know why.  He then said "It's because God is taking over the sadness."

We're getting closer. Jude can sense it. I think we all can sense it. Every day is closer, right?

Peng is in the hands of God, as are we.

We are all where we are and our hope is in the mighty name of Jesus.