The Cabbage Patch Story

In our family, Kevin is typically the one with the reliable memory and mine is often….let’s say “scattered”. So, it’s not unusual for me to say “Hey Kevin, did you know that when I was kid…..” And he will listen patiently, then at the end say, in his non-chalant manner “yeah, you told me that story already.” You’ll note how he seems to enjoy waiting until the end of my story to inform me he’s heard it.

Well, last fall we were talking to someone and upon sharing an event from my childhood, Kevin chimed in at the end with a semi-surprised tone of voice saying something like “Hmm. I’ve never heard that story before.” I, of course, was delighted to hear I still had something left he didn’t know about me. I will do my best to share the condensed version with you as well, since there’s a good chance you have not heard it either.

It was during some time in the mid 80’s when Cabbage Patch kids were all the rage and I remember my mom asking me if I wanted one. I ended up getting one named Loretta something, with golden yarn hair that could never be in any style other than the factory produced dual braids, because no matter how hard you tried you could never figure out another style that would perfectly cover up the majority of her bald head under those original pony tails. But that’s a different conversation altogether. I can’t remember exactly how I got Loretta, Christmas/Birthday/etc., but I do remember how I got my next Cabbage Patch kid. 

We were walking though the Roses Department store toy section in Williamsburg, Virginia when I saw a pile of dented boxes with a clearance sign in front of them. As I wandered over, something in my 9 year old heart was stirred that these “children” were the ones nobody wanted. As I looked closer, these particular Cabbage Patch dolls had some issues. Something went wrong in production and they were deemed not worthy of being on the regular shelf. I remember a sense of injustice rise in me, even then, that felt it was so wrong that any “child” should be relegated to a pile in the corner to go on “clearance”.  I don’t really remember any of the other dolls, but I zeroed in on a preemie that had bleach spots all over her face. I asked my parents if I could have her, because I figured if I didn’t take her, probably no one else would. 

Fast forward almost 30 years. A husband and three children born to me later, but here we are. That yearning I believe God put on my heart so long ago looks like it finally may be fulfilled this year. At the same time, I have wrestled with a bit of guilt. During our home study, Kevin and I struggled through the ‘checklist’ of special needs we were open to and to be honest, I wondered what level of need we could really handle? We could probably “handle” anything, because we often have more resilience and love in us than we give ourselves credit for. But, I think the uncomfortable part was wondering how much a special needs child would turn our lives upside down. Doctor/therapy appointments, limited communication, limited mobility, who knows!? So, when we were introduced to Pong, we were a bit surprised. Because, besides being raised in an institution, which does/will present special challenges, he has no special physical or mental needs that we are aware of right now. And so, I have been tempted to feel guilty about this. Kevin thinks I’m crazy. Which is helpful. Honestly, it is. Because he often has such a different thought processing pattern than I do, that when his thought processing confronts mine, I sometimes realize mine may not always be helpful. 

I think I’ve worked through a lot of it, but sometimes I wonder if we should have waited longer for a more ‘needy’ child.  Sometimes thoughts pop into my mind like “Pong is so healthy, maybe we should have let a family who doesn’t have children yet parent him.” Thankfully, God intervenes in these thought patterns when I allow Him. Like today, for example. I decided to grab a book off my bookshelf called “Adopted for Life” by Russell Moore. I read it years ago, and wasn’t going to read the whole thing, but randomly opened to a page that said this… “There is no reason whatsoever for you to feel guilty, as though you are ‘taking scarce resources’ by adopting a child when there are childless couples out there seeking to adopt. First of all, a child isn’t a ‘resource.” He or she is a human being, created in the image of God. Secondly, there are more children needing homes than loving parents willing to take them in. You are not taking a child away from another prospective adoptive family. To the contrary, if the Lord does lead you to a child through adoption, this adoption could very well be a catalyst to create a more adoption friendly environment in your church and neighborhood. The very presence of your children on the playground or in the Sunday school class could make adoption less ‘strange’ to the people around you. That can only help parentless children and childless parents find one another through adoption as churches and families cooperate in the task.” pages 107-108.

WOW. The part that really got me was “First of all, a child isn’t a ‘resource’.” This isn’t about equally dividing the children with lesser needs to the childless couples and the ones with more severe to families with children already.  Why do thoughts like that even take root? God is so way more creative and beautiful in designing families than that degrading way of looking at children. I was so thankful this word of truth arrested me this afternoon.

Both Kevin and I are so sure God has presented us with this child to parent. It reminded me of the decision to get married to Kevin. It didn’t really didn’t even feel like a decision, it was just always the absolute right thing to do. I had asked God for that same level of confidence in a match with a child and I believe He granted that prayer. We actually were presented with another child before Pong and both of us just felt clearly that that little girl was not our daughter. This whole process is so bizarre, but that’s the best way I can describe it. You just ‘know’.

So, whoever Pong is, as we get to know him – he needs us and we need him. He has no bleach spots and is the most beautiful little boy in all of China, I’m sure. This isn’t about saving a child or being the martyr by taking in the most challenging child of the Asian nations. This is about following God’s call on our hearts to open our home to a child who needs a mom and dad to love him and introduce him to his Jesus.

And God is giving us Pong. 

We are SO excited!