Hodgepodge of an update

Just wanted to offer a quick update...we are on step 3 of our countdown to China. It's hard to even believe at this point. Currently, in the paperwork world, Kevin and I have applied for our visas and should get them back early next week.  We've also put the wheels in motion for Peng's visa to be processing on the other side of the world and will be ready for us when we get there.  These last few stages of the process have all gone according to prediction, which is so incredibly refreshing! The latest tentative plan is that we'll be able to book flights for early May.

The other week, we also got an updated video, pictures and description of how our little guy has grown over the last year. We had been asking since November, so we weren't even sure if we'd get them before we traveled. But it was a welcome gift! And I, for one, am thankful we did because it was shocking how much Peng had grown. While we were aching for him this past year, he transformed from a toddler to a preschooler. He lost his chubby cheeks and is starting to lengthen into a little boy.  This was good for all of us to see, I believe, so we can change the image of him we carry around in our mind and be more prepared for him when he arrives.

Jude asked "Are you sure that's Peng?" and yes, we're sure. His eyes, his ears, his mouth - it's all Peng, just the 3 1/2 year old Peng.  I know someone who adopted a 3 year old and said she didn't realize how much she would grieve missing those first few years.  I think that is part of what we've done this past year and will likely continue to do as he grows up, realizing the years we missed together and when he asks questions we just can't answer fully.

Recently, we got a rough itinerary of how our time in China is laid out.  We decided to fly into Shanghai, in part because we have a friend living there and it will be nice to have a familiar face upon arrival. It's actually a friend I met on a mission trip to Poland over 20 years ago.  We've kept in touch and he now works in Shanghai. While he doesn't speak Chinese (he speaks about 5 other languages!), he will be a great help in just getting settled into the country. Our adoption agency will also be providing a guide for us who will translate and provide in-country transportation. We will stay in Shanghai for a few days to recover from jetlag and then take a train to Nanjing.  Adopting couples always meet their child at the Civil Affairs office of the capital of the province where their child lives. It's not a super cozy environment, but it's how they do it. These 'family days' are always on a Monday. We then take temporary custody and go back to our hotel for the rest of the day.  Tuesday we return to Civil Affairs and officially adopt him! Sha-bang! We have one day to lay low and then another day to take a day trip to visit his orphanage.

Some ask if this is healthy, but I am convinced beyond a doubt that it is. It will be emotional, I'm sure, but it is important for us to tell him we were there at his first home, meet all those who cared for him, let him say a proper goodbye and for him to witness his nannies in support of this big transition.  Otherwise, we run the risk of him feeling like he's been kidnapped in a way. That's obviously the last thing we want. Many pictures will be taken. As many as they'll let us, because I'm sure we won't remember everything.

After returning from the orphanage visit, we start our travels down to Southern China in Guangzhou. All adoptive families must funnel out through this city. It is our second week in China, in Guangzhou, where Peng will have a complete medical exam and our agency's in country staff will be helping to make sure his passport and visas will be ready by the end of the week.

We decided not to spend too much time 'sight seeing' as this can be exhausting and we just don't know how Peng will be with the transition. There are for sure some down days when we can head out into the city, head to the market, walk to the downtown area, eat at local restaurants, but we'll save some of the big famous sites (Great Wall, Terra Cotta Warriers, etc.) for a return visit perhaps :)

In the last post I shared we needed to quickly transition from 'waiting mode' to 'preparation mode'. I think that is happening. We have a corner in the bedroom that is piling up of 'stuff' we need to take to China. I have a packing list where I try to pick up a few things now and then from Target so I'm not overloaded with a huge list five days before we leave. Small steps a bit each day helps it feel doable. Some days I feel like this is all completely manageable and some days I panic inside thinking "I can't forget to go to TJMaxx and get some costume jewelry for the Adoption officials!" (It's pretty standard to give small gifts to everyone who helps in this process and apparently, they like TJ Maxx jewelry!)

Trusting God for His continued peace that passes understanding.

"I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." John 14:18

Shortly before Jesus is crucified, He spoke these words to his disciples.
He promised to send His Holy Spirit
to comfort them, guide them, advocate for them
 and remind them of all He had said.
And He did. 
We claim this for ourselves and also for our sweet Peng!

Our beautiful boy

Many of you have been able to see Qiu Peng's picture in person, 

but for those who haven't yet....here he is!

The jury is out on if we're supposed to put real pictures out into cyberspace before things are final, final. So, I chose to share this one for now. Back in November, I was able to spend a weekend away and had many hours of uninterrupted time. I brought my favorite photo of Peng, my charcoal pencils and a board to draw on. I wanted to spend some time with him. This was actually, probably the photo that convinced me he was ours. When I saw that look of anticipation in his eyes, I was smitten. We had to say 'yes'.

That weekend at the retreat, I enjoyed every minute of drawing him. Detailing all his features, shading the different pieces of his hair, analyzing the shapes of his nose and eyes and getting to know our little guy as much as I could while he was so far away.

When you're pregnant, you feel kicks and you see ultrasounds and you're together all the time. Waiting for Peng often feels like an illusive abyss. It was so nice to have that weekend to spend time with him. Now Kevin and I have his picture in our bedroom.

We are really getting close, but I don't know that my psyche is really realizing it. I've been so conditioned that we're in 'waiting mode' that I'm having difficulty shifting to 'preparation mode'. We are hoping to receive our I-800 Immigration approval for Peng this week or next. That is step 5 and then this is the rest.

5. Receive approval from the U.S. that Peng is suitable to immigrate here.  

5b. National Visa Center (NVC) sends this approval to Guangzhou, China. (Time frame: 1 week)

4. We file our DS-260 online to apply for his Visa. (Time frame: a few days) We apply for our visas as simultaneously. (5 days)

3. Receive Article 5. This is the approval from the U.S. that tells China they approve of China's approval of bringing Peng into our country. If it's starting to sound like a lot of approving approvals, it is.  (Time frame: 10 days)

2. Receive Travel Approval from China. (Time frame: 3 weeks) 

1. Book flights and travel to China (Time frame: 2-6 weeks) 

So, if you add up those weeks, it's really close, right? Delays at this stage in the game are rare, but always possible. At the same time, if I don't start realizing this is really happening - we're going to be up a creek! We need to do everything we can to get our act together to leave our kids, leave the country and make sure we're as ready as possible for this big change in our family.

In addition to these steps (but shouldn't add any extra time) we need an update on our Home Study. Due to that huge delay there last summer/fall/winter, our home study expired. UGH. Our worker comes over tomorrow night to do an update.

All that said....if you want to pray for us.  Please, please do!

1) For God to prepare Timmy and Jude to be big brothers again and for Annie to be a big sister for the first time.
2) That our paperwork would not meet any unnecessary delays.
3) That Peng has received or will receive his photo book and audio book of our family and that his caretakers are preparing him wisely for the big change.
4) That Jesus would continue giving peace to Kevin and I that He will take care of all six of us during this transition.
5) For the families of Peng's friends, some of whom we might meet in China! And for some who are a few months behind us yet - for their paperwork to speedily come through.

Thanks again, friends. God is good.

It's officially official

For months we have been telling the kids "We are working hard to adopt Peng, we really think they'll say 'yes', but we have to wait for the paperwork to go through and then we'll know it's officially, official." We just wanted to leave the window open in case something unexpected happened. 

We had told the kids the letter was probably coming soon and so today when we drove home from being out this morning and saw the Fed Ex package Jude exclaimed...."Does that mean it's official?!"  I was so glad to exclaim right back "YES!"

Then, he posed for this picture :)

Jude spies the"officially official" letter

This is a letter from China asking for our confirmation that we want to adopt Peng. (As if we haven't been telling them that forever!) They are asking us to sign it, then send to USCIS (Immigration), who will then add what they need to add and send it over back to China. That's the short version anyway.

But basically, we just wanted to share with all of you also, that it's officially official! We're matched with Qiu Peng and the paperwork is well underway to make him officially part of our family.

"They say" the expected time to travel after this letter comes is around 10-12 weeks.  As always, take with a grain of salt. But we're hoping.

I also talked to our social worker today. We mailed her a picture book for Peng with our family and home photos as well as a recordable story book so he could start hearing our voices.  She got it and put it in the mail to her China contact yesterday.

Timothy last week at the UPS store with our package for Peng

So, a few prayer requests now would be that....
a) that picture book and recordable story book get to Peng
b) that his caretakers show those to him
c) that his caretakers will use wise, true and comforting words to help prepare him for the "big change" coming
d) then keep joining us in Annie's continual prayer "Please God, make the papowook go faster!"

 

Thank you Jesus, for Your Faithfulness to Qiu Peng and our family!

Step 9, here we come!

This morning we woke up to a voice mail left by our social worker at 12:30am, saying "You know it's good news if I'm calling this late!" She had checked the China database before she went to bed and lo and behold...Peng's file was registered! It was a pretty fun way to wake up.

That phrase "a breath of fresh air" may be overused, but it probably is because it's so descriptive of situations like this. I've been feeling increasingly discouraged and weary since June and there was a haze around almost everything. When we heard the news this morning it was like a fresh and new breath was poured back into me and our family. Everything was lighter.

Back in late November I outlined the last 10 steps we need to get to China. Number 10 just got knocked out of the park and number 9 is on it's way to China as I type this.  Here is an excerpt from our Letter of Intent being submitted right now. 

We, Kevin and Courtney Hubers, respectfully respect to adopt Qiu Peng as our son from the People's Republic of China. Qiu Peng will become our own child, as if he had been born to us. We will always love and cherish him and will never abandon, harm or abuse him.  He will inherit from us as if he had been born to us.

We will educate him and provide him with everything he needs to succeed in life.

Our family is very excited at the prospect of learning more about Chinese culture, and about visiting China. We will teach Qiu Peng to always honor his Chinese heritage and to feel proud to have been born in China.

We promise to comply with China’s post adoption reporting requirements.  We will provide our reports in a timely fashion to Across the World Adoptions for submission to CCCWA.

I would be a great honor to adopt Qiu Peng from China into our family. We thank you for your kind consideration of our request.

It sounds like it can take anywhere from 10 days to 12 weeks to grant this request. And since I typed out that outline in November, we  have learned that because our Home Study has been processed and translated so long ago, we actually can skip step 8 of getting pre-approval. We just jump straight to regular old approval! It is called the LOSC (Letter of Seeking Confirmation) that takes 10 days to 12 weeks to receive. It's a big, fancy and formal letter that makes this all very real.

Once we have that letter, we'll be able to have a fairly accurate guesstimate of the timeline on the rest of the steps, including, when we travel.

Thank you for carrying this burden with us as we waited through the abyss of the unknown time frames. We are hopeful things will be a bit more mainstreamed from here. But as Kevin reminds me...we never know....so just take it one day at a time.  He's always been better at not being blindsided by unpredictability. One month turning into eight almost did me in, I confess. He seems to handle it better than I do and offers some much needed stability through this process.  

We may have more unseen hurdles ahead of us but today, we are just thankful. Thankful God helped us hang on to hope and thankful we are that much closer to meeting this little guy we are ready to call 'son'.

Yay Jesus!

Yeager!

Yesterday was a good day. Mid afternoon I got the news that the little boy Yeager I've been praying so hard to have a family step in for him....got one. He was the first child registered in Beijing from Peng's orphanage and now his future family has submitted paperwork to adopt him. I know nothing about them except they are in Illinois.  I'm hoping they're open to keeping in touch with us.  As of now, we have a good chance at keeping in touch with at least 4 or 5 of the little ones Peng has grown up with. This brings great joy to my heart.

This is Yeager!

My main emotion these past few months about Peng's situation has been mostly heavy sadness. And like a rock is continually in my gut, churning around. Oh, with a bit of anger thrown in there at the ridiculousness of bureaucracy when children's lives are at stake. But yesterday, I just cried with happiness. Hearing the news about Yeager finally getting a family broke me. Thank you Jesus.

This morning I was at the gym. Kevin and I are in a pretty good streak of taking turns going in the morning before the kids get up. It's been really good for us.  But, really hard.  Boot Camp, I think they call it.  Most of the time, I get to a point where I'm so tired I want to collapse on the floor. The past few times I've gone, when I've reached that point, somehow I transformed the workout into a prayer. With everything in me I have pushed through the pain as an offering to God on behalf of Peng. I feel I've exhausted my words with Him and so this is a fresh way to petition, beg for mercy and keep knocking on His door. Doing that last push up when it feels like your arms are about to fall off and thinking of Jesus is like yelling out to Him with my body.

I've known Jesus in different depths for as long as I can remember, but I continue to be bafffled by Him sometimes. I guess he never really even explained himself fully to His disciples either, so I shouldn't be surprised. I don't know how my desperate pleas affect His hand, but I know they affect His heart.  And keeping my heart in line with His is my only hope.

I read a book lately that reminded me that when the Israelites were enslaved to Egypt, twelve generations of God's people prayed for deliverance and did not see God deliver.  Yet, twelve generations later, God's people were still crying out to Him, still believing in Him, still trusting His promises. Even when they had not seen His hand for THAT long.

Then finally....He speaks.

"I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land." 
Exodus 3:7-8

This reminds me that while God certainly doesn't always spare us from all suffering, He definitely does not delight in it.

It also came at a time we were studying Hebrews and how Jesus' mission springboards from God's rescue from Egypt.

"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity, so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death, that is, the devil, and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham's descendants. For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people."
Hebrews 2:14-17

So ultimately, the rescue from the baggage of sin we carry around is our greatest rescue. This free gift is available to us at all times, no matter what our current suffering is. That is good news.

Yesterday, we got an update from our social worker that Peng's file is scheduled to be registered within a week.  Mind you, we got that same news September 5 and also Oct. 21 of last year.  After that, they stopped giving predictions....until now.  So, if we and Peng come to mind or rise up in your heart...will you pray with us? That it really will get registered this week. He is now almost 3 1/2 and we have missed so much of his life. I don't want to miss anymore.

Thank you to those who prayed for Yeager, Trey and Jay.  I hope you are encouraged that God does hear the cries of his children. I am beyond thrilled they all have homes now.

Now, we will continue to press on in the work of prayer, in words, in body and in mind.....

Let's hope we see His hand in this, in less than 12 generations.

To rejoice and to mourn

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
(Romans 12:15)

Not that the Scriptures are primarily a "how to live" book, but God definitely shares such wisdom on how He designed us to live and thrive. This particular passage has come alive again to me recently.

During this 'down time' waiting for Peng, there have been a few of his friends that I have tried to advocate for, find families for and pray for. The ones I've shared on this blog are Jay, Trey and Yeager.  I wanted to take a chance to follow up on them and share that Jay and Trey have families committing to them! Jay was a little boy who had a cleft palate for the first two years of his life, then a team of surgeons was able to repair it and he has the most precious smile now. Sounds like he will be going to a family on the east coast.  Trey was a little guy who really had no known special needs, but he was older, like Jay. Both boys are four years old. Sounds like Trey will be adopted by a family who lives in California.  I am so thrilled to share this good news. And thanks to all of you who forwarded my blog, asked friends if they were open to these kids.  Feel free to forward along this good news as well :)

A little boy they named Yeager has been on my heart since last summer. To be honest, there was even a weekend where Kevin and I had a serious conversation about bringing him home along with Peng. Having 5 kids within 5 years of each other just seemed a little over the top for us. He also was too close in age to Annie and we didn't feel comfortable with the small age gaps. In all, we didn't have a peace about it. So, we prayed and advocated for him. Yeager has scoliosis and will need surgery soon as his lungs are starting to be compressed from the curvature in his spine. In his video, you can see a sweetness in him - and yet our agency has had a hard time finding a family for him. And wouldn't you know it....I actually heard last week that, Yeager was actually registered. Our agency will have about two more weeks to find him a home. Then they lose the file and it will be difficult to know what happens to him. 

The good news.....even as I write this our social worker told me someone is reviewing his file. Others have reviewed it and passed him over, but this might be his best shot and our best shot at being able to stay in touch with his family. I sure hope I can share good news about him soon.

I need to give my focus to where God is providing for his children. I love hearing about when any orphan finds a family.  Rejoicing with these kids and families has been one of my greatest blessings during this wait time. While it is tempting to hear stories of other families who are rapidly getting close to their travel day and wish it was us....there is great fulfillment in simply rejoicing with them as they rejoice. There are children coming home into families, getting out of institutions all the time.  I'm now in circles where I get to hear about it often. And I need to keep hearing those stories. And one day it may be us. Until then, I want to rejoice with those who are rejoicing.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
(Romans 12:15)

We have obviously received no news that Peng is registered yet. Recently, I have given myself permission to identify this loss, this grief and the stress that I have carried around because of it since last summer. I have been tempted in the past to say things to myself like "This isn't as bad as some people have it. There are people losing parents, seeing their children with life threatening diseases, sleeping on the streets, etc." I'm not sure that it's helpful to compare grief. What has been helpful is to acknowledge it. And I think I'm just owning up to the fact that my heart has been in grief stage for quite some time. So many of you have been kind to check-in about when we will travel.  Forgive me if I stop answering that question, because I still have no idea. All I know is things are moving very slowly and that I am sad about it all.

We have already lost the gift of being a part of Peng's life for about eight more months than we had thought and we don't know how much more of his life we will miss. Plainly put, that is sad. And instead of focusing trying to figure out when we'll travel, I'm just focusing on being in that sadness with my family and with Jesus. I am thankful for all of you who also acknowledge this as a loss and have grieved with us. You have mourned with us as we have mourned. My kids have mourned, Kevin has mourned. There is not much that feels good about loss.

The comfort comes when people enter into the present, not thinking the future will 'fix it'. While I am sure our emotions of loss will dissipate as we welcome Peng into our family, this season of sadness is part of our journey. We have to walk through it daily, not just focusing on wishing for it to go away. Every day Jesus is faithful to carry us through. And He's carrying Peng too. I feel like I'm getting to a place where I am closer to accepting the loss of all these months and allowing God to create a new reality for our family. It is still not clear what that is, or when it will be complete, but He is with us.  

The simple act of mourning with those who mourn can be a challenging admonishment when it is so uncomfortable to dwell in sadness. Yet it so incredibly powerful and healing to those in pain. I can see why God put this encouragement in His Bible.  Thanks for carrying this burden with us.

I do have one update: Three of the children from Peng's orphanage have now been registered. One would think this could mean his will come soon. That would be a natural hope. At the same time, it is just as realistic that they will enter these three and take a few weeks/months off before registering more. You just never know. Speculation has gotten me in trouble too many times before. So, the wait continues.

And a special note. This blog is focused on our journey with Peng and the details surrounding that. In case it ever sounds too heavy, I want to share that in the midst of all of this Kevin and I are also enjoying many blessings together and experiencing much joy with each other and with our kids. God is good to us. 



In front of the China Christmas Tree at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago - Dec. 2014

Christmastime check in

It’s a few days before Christmas and I do not seem to have had the drive to pull together a Christmas letter to put in the mail. Although, I do feel the need to close out the year with a blog post as we started our home study in December and this month, our journey has reached the one year mark. We talked with our social worker today and while there is no news on progress, it was comforting to hear her say she had no idea what she was asking us to endure when she told us about Peng back in May. They were told the kids would be registered very soon and the conservative estimate for our travel time to adopt little Peng was December. Here we are in December and we are still not even formally matched with him because he’s not registered yet. It’s a bit surreal. The China Center that processes adoptions will be shutting down from Dec. 28 to supposedly Jan. 5, but potentially longer if they need the time to fix their system. They seem to have stopped registering children in recent weeks, in anticipation of that shut down. He might be registered in January. He might not. But each month, we can’t help but hope.

I’ve read some stories lately. One was of a little boy orphaned during World War II. He was a gypsy, but he also was identified as a Jew. The story of his experiences, his pain, his coping mechanisms reminded me there is a lot the human heart can endure. There was tremendous loss, yet there was also tremendous selflessness and love for those he became close to as family. I also have been reading about the atmosphere and atrocities committed in China during the Cultural Revolution. Under communism’s guise of equality, families were brutally forced to denounce, humiliate, shame and betray each other in allegiance to the one ‘family’ of the state. The destruction of the family unit was one of the main goals during that era and tore away at the fabric of society. It became all about saving your own skin. It hardened generations of hearts. I can’t help but wonder how that long, awful season in China's history has shaped the people living there today in regards for the systems and perspectives they carry about adoption, family and priorities. When I’m tempted to get really, really annoyed with them, I have been reminded that these people have been through a lot and that kind of oppression and misused power can really color the way you see the world.

I’m not sure I have a clear point with sharing all of that except that I think I’ve been needing to look outside myself. If I look inward too long and dwell on the ridiculousness of the roadblocks we’ve run into and the injustice of Peng having to wait so long for the mere folly of bad organization – I do start to spiral down. Maybe entering others’ pain helps me carry the pain of our experience.

I’ve noticed the wide variety of realities in my heart this past month. Grief. Trust. Helplessness. Perseverance. Sadness. Christmas. Anticipation.  Disappointment. It’s been amazing to me that I can feel and experience all of these seemingly contradictory realities so often and so regularly. Mostly flipping around back and forth and all in between them within the day. This hymn has resonated with me lately…

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

Some hours I laugh and am just in the moment. Some hours I wake up in the middle of the night compelled to pray with all my might. Some hours I am so angry at this system that has children trapped in institutions for excessive amounts of time. Some hours I remember God’s redeeming power.

So, if you catch me in person, I can’t predict for you which hour I’ll be in. I may want to talk about it. I may really be tired of talking about it. But in every hour, I know my helplessness and I know my only stability is Jesus Christ.

The Savior. The Messiah. The true God. Light of light eternal. Our Saving Grace. We celebrate his birth with joy regardless of what we’re feeling or experiencing. His goodness is the only hope we really have.

With much to be thankful for....

....we wish you a Merry Christmas and thank you again for reading and caring and praying for our family....